Love Lost and Lessons Larned - I

When there’s only one of us all you think of is dying, but when there are two of us all you think about is surviving atleast for the sake of each other

You get to know more about love not when you are falling in it but when you are falling out of it.

The days are all the same, each resembling the other. The routine was getting a bit tedious. The office looked the same a hundred different cubicles divided into the large expanse. They resembled each other down to the last detail. This was his new acquisition, the new area he had acquired to shift his company to after expanding it. He was already starting to feel the strings of a headache beginning, the precursor to bad night’s sleep and an even crazier morning. The strange feeling that was engulfing him looking at this new office was new to him. He was aware from where the feeling stemmed and why they existed but he wasn’t sure what he could do to stop them.

He was nostalgic, guilty and happy. This was a bittersweet memory. He was happy that he had achieved what not many people had achieved. He had his own company and not a small one either. It was now a company that employed around a thousand people. All the hard work since when he had passed out of that graduation college six years ago was finally paying off. He was happy that he had all that but he was sad that he didn’t have the right people to share it with. He had lost his parents two years after he had graduated. They were coming back from a small family drive. The ass who had hit our car had been drunk early in the evening. He didn’t even stop to tend and check if we were alive. He was least concerned about what happened. The only reason he lived was because he was thrown out of the car at the initial impact. The others were crushed like matchsticks when the car did three barrel rolls after impact. All of his family, including his parents and his sweet little sister. The ass who hit the car had paid for what he did with his life in prison. Their memories were what made him this melancholy. But he was also happy that his mother would’ve been proud that her son had grown this much, his sister would’ve been happy that she could shop like crazy with the elder brother’s money and well as for his father. He would’ve been glad to prove the old man wrong when he always said ” You are good for nothing kid,  You’ll never make anything good”. For all of their happiness and his shared feelings he would’ve been happy and for his loss of that he was now sad.

The sharp ring of his phone brought him back to reality. The image of his love flashed across his screen. Well a bit of cheer on this murky day he thought. “yes love, what can I do for you?” The smile in  her voice upon listening to him was evident in her reply of ‘just come back fast. I have something to share with you.’ “is it important?’ ‘what do ya think?’ came the taunting reply. “be there in half an hour I replied and started from my office. I had a company for cyber security and forensics that was running in full swing and the demand for my work was also becoming something every CEO would be proud of and envious of. He had another thing to be proud of: he and his lady love were 8months into the making of their own baby. He was gonna be a father and his love was gonna be a mother. The picture was perfect for the future as far as one could see. The thing about love is that “Love is not about possession, it’s about appreciation”. I was well into appreciating all the things I was lucky to have and also all the things that I had lost. The drive back home was remarkably short inspite of the 8 km drive with a stop in between to pick up her favorite pistachio milkshake(which started after she got pregnant, making me wonder about what the child will turn out to be, but meh no worries, he/she is after all going to be our child, he/she will just be awesome). The greeting of ‘love im back’ was cut short as she rushed into my arms, held me tight and then gave me a tender kiss for a second. ‘What’s with the abundance love?’ I queried. ‘I can’t kiss my husband now?’ came her cross eyed but  beautiful looking reply. The sarcasm and the barbs were how we showed our love to each other. I guess those were the disadvantages of marrying a girl who was your equal in intelligence and more than a match for you in using it. The point that we both agreed on was rare but what we compromised on was more than enough and the one point on which we never argued was ”The world doesn’t lack intelligence but rather the ability, skill or courage to use it”. I know everyone wonders what my wife does or is doing, well not to break the bubble she does everything, and I mean everything. She is just the kind of person who can do any job, work anywhere and shell have people worshipping/following her like a pack of puppies. I might be exaggerating but what the hell, I will because I am proud of my wife and what she can do. The dinner that night and my nagging her to take her meds went the normal way. I didn’t even have an inking of the terrors that night would hold for me.

01:25am

I felt something warm, wet and stick underneath me. The bed it was wet, but how? I turned on the light to see her, my love lying beside me in a pool of blood, blood which the bed was dutifully soaking up. The circle of blood was extending radially outward from her belly. I tried waking her up, repeatedly to no avail. I took her pulse, she still has some life left, I had to get her to a hospital and there was no time to wait for an ambulance to arrive. I dashed out of the house carrying her in my arms, still dressed in the casual shorts and taking nothing but my wallet and my car keys from the house. So much as my terror at the sight that I didn’t even lock my house not caring if someone would break into my house. I ran to the car frantically carrying her in my arms as she came to. I deposited her in the front seat and was just getting into the driver’s seat when a dear friend of mine, Joseph laid a hand on my shoulder. I had no idea where he had come from, I had no idea when he had but I was just glad he had. “Why don’t you take the back seat Ro, while I drive” he said “I don’t think you’re in any shape to drive’. Seeing the hesitation on my face he just shouted saying “man you’re in no condition to drive” and in a gentler tone he added “I’ll drive as smoothly and as quickly as possible”. I reluctantly got into the backseat and looked over at her,  she was looking at me and obviously was in pain. I was at a loss, never had I been in such a state since I had grown 6feet tall and sprouted a beard. I told her “Breathe love breath, take a deep breath and hold it, don’t take shallow breaths love, no shallow breaths”. She held my hand below tightly while I was trying to get her to breathe. I didn’t pay attention to what Joseph was doing but apparently he was making a call. By the time I had realized we had arrived at the hospital.

A stretcher was out waiting along with two nurses and a doctor, apparently joseph had called ahead and had them waiting, I silently cursed myself for not thinking of that sooner. I ran alongside the stretcher still holding her hand till we reached some sort of room where the doctor was adamant that I leave her hand and go away till they were able to determine what the problem was. I was scared, I had lost everyone I had, she was my one anchor and she was in danger and I didn’t know what was causing it or how to protect her. I noticed Joseph walking through the lobby towards me and I realized the state I had left the house in. I sent him back to lock the house and take stock of everything there, I was sure his wife Sravani would help out too. I also had another reason to send him back, I worked well alone, I was basically skilled at getting things done on my own. Not that I wasn’t I team player but I like small groups or single work than to large groups. The large groups tended to take democracy a bit too far and always took too long to decide plan and execute something and this was a personal situation, I didn’t want anyone else to be there. Call it my ego r whatever but my faults are mine. I care for her far too much and I am possessive of her so much that I hate to let anyone see her like this so weak looking as if………………………………….as if………………………………………she might die.

2 days later

I was just unable to stand in one place, too much of nerves and too much of caffeine were in my system to allow me some peace and calm. I had called her parents on that morning when the doctors wheeled her into the ICU telling me that they couldn’t tell me anything for 24 hours and that they would keep her under observation until then. They insisted that I go home attend work and all that while they took care and stood by their dear daughter. I was beyond words, they never liked me much, especially not since their daughter married me against their wishes but I was glad that they still loved her just as much as I did. I knew she would get good care and as much as necessary and that I could come back later. As I was walking out I was surprised to see Jo in the lobby waiting for me. I asked him “office?”. He simply shook his head and brought my car around. He drove straight to his house (which is right beside mine). Sravani was there waiting anxiously for the both of us, she first looked at Joseph and then at me and told Jo “go clean up jaan, ill try and feed this one in the meantime”.

The situation in the dining room was comical when Joseph came back after freshening up. I was being stubborn as a child refusing to eat while Sravani was hovering over me a thunderous look on her face trying to feed me like a mother hen. I looked at Jo for help and he held up in hands indicating that it was better to shut up and eat as his wife was not one to give up. Even as he sat down he said “dude, u haven’t eaten in almost 24 hours, u had dinner yesterday, and I know you’ve had nothing in the hospital today because I’ve been watching you. Its 7 in the evening today and u need to eat”. I was already in a sour mood and I retorted “didn’t know u replaced your balls with a pussy Joseph” .  This time the mother hen smacked me on the head and said “Ro, if you don’t eat then we’ll have to throw you into the ICU beside you’re love and then for you she’ll have to get up and work. Is that how you want your wife to spend the days just before delivering your baby, worrying her head off about you? Now just sit up and eat”. I didn’t know Sravani could be so in your face but I guess I took her merits of the argument and ate up. I wanted to go back to my house, Jo escorted me back. Notwithstanding the still  bloodstained sheets in the bedroom I parked myself on the couch in front of the TV and started watching all non-sensical stuff. I called her father once in the middle of the night to ask him if he wanted me to come over and to check on her. Of course the first option wasn’t feasible since all of my vehicle keys were taken over by Jo and all the doors to my house were locked by Sravani so as to force me to take rest.

I wanted to know what they had mixed in that dinner. I was out for a solid of twelve hours and I woke up to find that the sun had risen well past the horizon and that my phone was ringing off the hook. The person calling was my father in law. He informed me that they all were coming home and they would be there in half an hour.

That was a long half an hour indeed.

The ambulance pulled up and instead of my wife getting up from it smiling at me two orderlies got out carrying a stretcher between them. A stretcher on which someone was lying whose face was covered by a white cloth. The stretcher was accompanied by my father in law and mother in law. I started hyperventilating, my heart was beating too fast, my mind refused to  process what was being shown in front. I suddenly felt something give away under my feet; I didn’t realize I had come out of the house. I was utterly flummoxed by the scene unfolding in front of my eyes. I refused to believe what logic told me was true.  Every neuron in my head told me it was true, yet ever cardiac muscle refused to believe it for if it was true then they all would be dead. There was no way that his heart would continue beating without hers to accompany him.  There was no way his lungs would still be breathing without the air touching her. There was no way his eye would still be capable of watching the world once their light had been taken out. There was no way he could still be standing, there was just no energy left in his body.

There was only darkness. The cold understanding darkness. The nothing there was just like what my heart was right now. It was just that good. It was time he began ruining what he had planned the last two weeks. He had sold all of his company in the last two weeks to a friend for the investment he needed. He had spent every waking hour investigating what had happened to her. He knew that she could’ve been save but she hadn’t been. He had wringed every last details from wherever he could. Now was the time for action…………….