The Question's qestions

There is a question asked about a lot. What would you do with your time? I would answer it differently
at different times because only time lends a perspective on what to do with time. At certain situation I
would prefer to sing or to run or to even punch a wall or write or just sin in a dark or secluded place. But
what I doo at that particular instant depends purely on the current situation.
Time it is said is fast flowing river. No one man has been able to even resist its flows leave out anything else. It affects us in every way, wearing us out, battering us down until we become fine sand on its banks. After all even a mighty rock cannot remain mighty before a rivers fast flow for long. There are
however smooth passages for some of us and rather turbulent ones for some others. And if people
criticize u for living your life a certain way u cant help them or yourself. The tools of trade given to each
person are different, everyone is equipped to go through life differently. If you give a soldier a route to
pass through hell look at all the security risks in it or the threats in it. The same route with a
photographer would get him looking for breathtaking pictures to snap, to a traveler it would mean different cultures and to a cook would mean new stuff to learn. However to a scholar they would mean all of those, but the problem with us is that we are all scholars, we are knowledgeable about everything,
especially our generation. We learn a lot, we learn one subject extensively, for engineers their stream for doctors their specialization, for a narcolepsic his sleep, but in other matters we retain minimal knowledge. Just because I know something well I cant endeavour to teach a fellow traveler my set of
beliefs, it would lead to chaos in his life. All I can do is only advise him and trust him to use my advice if
his situation suits him. However if everyone followed a given set of reactios to every situation we wouldn’t be humans all we would be is a pack animals who follow the leader even if he is as blind as a
bat as deaf as a white cat with blue eyes.
Next I get asked what would be a situation that would force someone to do all the things uve mentioned
above?
I will not be assumatory to answer for all the people who do that for hten I will be very wrong in
everything I say but I can tell you about y I think they might do that based on why I would be doing that.
Running or any physical activity so to speak is one way people generally clear their heads. When u are
engaged in any physical activity your brain rather empties out or only one thing occupies your brain. The
physical activity itself takes up a lot of ur brains space and energy, since even biologically not much blood reaches the brain u stop thinking too much that u can normally do otherwise. The activity
depends on a person of choice. I like running so I run. The reason people run is because you either need to clear your head or you need to focus your head onto something. It also has a few other advantages, if
u keep running for long you’ll notice that you stop thinking about everything else exept the fact that ur
running, the burn of your lungs as they draw air, the clenching and loosening of the muscles in your legs
over time and the general sense of declining energy that u feel with each passing minute. All those
combines clear your head as your mind starts to switch back to its most oldest and trusted instinct,
survive, it’ll want u to survive by stop running, it’ll tell your brain that it cant take the abuse anymore
and finally all your brain is filled with is the sting of your muscles and the sound of your breath. Later
after u stop running when all the blood starts flowing to ur brain again u can relax and enjoy that moment of extreme mental clarity.
Punching a wall is out of frustration, its usually something I do when you cant do anything else. When I was younger u never are able to hold your own, your considered a kid. Hell im still considered a kid. The punching of a wall if ever you see someone doing that, then they are very angry to cause physical harm to themselves, and that they have no outlet for that anger, they can’t divert it onto anything else so they turn it onto themselves. I would say always be aware of such people for someone who can harm themselves would definitely not hesitate to harm you. However if someone they like is on the line there are the very same people who would not care for themselves but would rather care about their emotions their care and walk through hell if they have to for you. They obviously don’t care or think highly of themselves but the people they love are just the opposite to them, they value them with their lives and since they believe they aren’t much, they even put their lives on the line for their people. The second situation when someone would punch a wall is when he’s bored, he has nothing to do at all, he has seen movies and would rather spend his time trying to see if it was real and to see if he’s strong. I know it sounds crazy but the most insane of us are sometimes probably the sanest too.
The gift of language is one of the most tremendous achievement in human life. The tragedy of it however is the fact that not many people care to use it effectively or know how to use it effectively to communicate to more than a closed group of select few. That language is the only reason we unlike animals are able to progress forward. We record all our knowledge in some language or the other. You cannot pass on how to construct a proton accelerator through drawing simply now can u? We neither have enough colours to represent the elements to be used neither do we have enough place to pictorially represent ever thing in acute detail. The only reason we can pass on our knowledge from one generation to the next is because of language. Unlike animals who inherit instinct and spend a major portion of their lives only to relearn what knowledge their ancestors since ages past had possessed. The reason we write is because words are never overrated. People are shy to talk always, u can never tell all your secrets to a person and still expect to be comfortable with them. There are always a few last secrets to be held unto yourself. However when you have a companion you know wont talk to anyone else when u have an outlet where u can disguise, mask or even twist your words into a format which you are happy with you always do that. Writing is one relief, you seek to do through your characters all that you couldn’t do in your real life so far, or you bemoan the tings past that you wish would’ve gone better. Sometimes we even write down all the past try to analyze it get past it and maybe understand it. If not we hope that now that’s it written down in a format where u can recall it if necessary you hope you can erase those memories from your skull. The skill of writing is a rae one available only to a gifted few and one secret we always keep are what we write. We write a thousand words and the world sees only a few hundred it is only the people we actually trust and like that ever see the full extent of an authors writings. And we often search for either release or a sense of longing or some understanding when we
write. We only write what we want in life or what we don’t have in life. No writer writes a true account of what currently is unless they’re writing an autobiography.
As for listening to music or singing. They achieve one purpose, to block all thought. A persons mind is his worst prison. Imprison a person in his own mind its more effective then the tallest wall or tower you can build surrounded by the deepest moat you can dig. The mind is a complex thing, its workings are very complicated to say the least. It keeps functioning continuously, even if we want it to or not. The thoughts of a person can sometimes become the very shackles he wants to avoid, that’s where music is the most helpful. To explain better, you have lost family or friends, you are sad but u want to get rid of that shadow and work forward however u neither have the time to indulge in heavy activity nor do u have the place. All you can do is to sit while you travel and listen to whatever songs you want at the highest volume possible. That in itself is very brain blocking. U cant think with that level of music, the music encompasses your mind and you sing, with the song you sometimes feel relieved especially if a song with a situational link comes up. That is way of relief. Another use of music is that if you find something distasteful in your surroundings then all you need to do is listen to music and ignore your surroundings.
And lastly why the dark or seclusion. You know two of humanity greatest fears? Darkness and Solitude. There are a lot of people who scoff at this but think back many people look twice before going into the dark because the dark is nothing to us and nothingness always held untold terrors for us. You are afraid that nothingness might contain something your afraid of. Solitude, well we humans are what we call social animals, no human with the agreed limits of sanity can stay secluded from society at large for extended periods of time without going mad himself and trust me no one wants to go mad. When you are in the dark you will face your fear and only someone capable of facing his fears can live properly for if you are afraid of something you will live in eternal fear of it, searching for it in everything you see smell or taste. The darkness along with solitude has one more unique ability it takes away ur most used sense, your eyes. Once its gone your perspective changes, you consider different things differently and hence you can think differently. That ability to think differently is what gives some people that edge, if not for it what would we be if not walking talking puppets. Life may bring many more challenges but knowing when to fight and when to lie down and wait for a storm to pass over is important. You cannot walk through a sandstorm without getting buried now should we ignore a calm flat pool of water to swim across. However we should keep in mind that even the storm can pass given time and even the calmest of pool may be hiding the deepest of terrors in their depts. Some of us prefer to ride the storms out or some of us prefer to swim across the deep pools. Whatever we do, I would always want to trust my heart when in doubt cause instinct is what got us living for a billion years, more than logic has. So when in doubt between your heart and mind always follow your heart and respect others opinions and take their advice but whatever you do never leave your heart. If something feels wrong from the bottom of your heart, then it is wrong.

FROM THE TAIL OF THE INDIAN PHEONIX……..TO THE SANDS OF RAMESHWARAM

From the tail of the phoenix arises

Arises what is known in India as Agni

For it is the fire

That always lights the pyre

Constrains all the unfathomable power

Which rushes out like a light shower

So a person who was born

In a small island, blew the horn

To create India’s first indigenous missile

So that we may no longer be fragile

Chose to name the arrow Agni

For he was a man so bright

In every darkness he saw light

And lifted India so high

To a position no money could buy

To praise him there are no words

Because they are more precious than swords

All I quote are his words

And they are more important than his swords

And to this man born

Where Indians three high seas meet

I pay my regards  and tribute

Odyssey

One fine spring morning,

Cried a lady to a midwife's crooning,

To give birth to her loved son

Whose eyes shone like the sun



He grew to be tall and strong

Along the shore's rocky crown

Breathing in th ocean's salty breeze

Aching to concquer her turbulent seas


The boy slowly turned to a man

Took oer his lady along with his clan

To hoist her colours true and strong

And to sail the high seas singing her merry song


"All is well and our course is set

The wind is true and i shall not fret "

Captain, said one of his clanlet

"Hence i shall go and sleep under my blanket"


His lady ran straight and true

Into a storm's hands so brute

He tossed his lady down every way

Playing with her using the oceans sway


The captain headed into the storm's eye

And asked god "why the rye?"

But all his efforts ere in vain

And sink did his lady gifting him pain


Every effort to save her though

Was in vain as the brute punched through

He and his clanlets had to turn their backs

Upon their lady in blue and cut themselves slack


Devastated was the captain for is loss

He did start smoking every grass

Every spirit did he drink

To try like his ship, for himself to sink


The will to fight had alll been lost

An empty shell was all left of the host

Untill, a new dream was sighted upon

And chase was ordered without a frown


The captain forgot that the lady was probably someone else's

And in love he chased down a useless scone

To only find himself further broken

In a false hope of some grand token


He only found his dream sailing away

To another man, unworthy in every way.

The captain remains at a loss

For now double was his loss


Now he sits and waits in an abyss

For his rescuer, like an oasis

in a desert full of mirages

so that there can be some peace in his garages


Till that time

He shall lie in the sine

Else he shall wait for his chime

Leaving his footprints in the sands of time.

BEGINNINGS OF A HORIZON

So far men have travelled

Yet so much left to unravel

But, today is a day of celebration

Because you have come a year closer to cremation

Through each summer, rainy, winter and spring we pass

To learn throught life’s class

That the spring of our youth shall never last

One day will come when we will be past

This day of celebration

For we shall realise

Will bring us very close to cremation

Fear not Oh! Little rose

For you shall not be flooded away by the hose

That waters you

Because in every spring at its bloom

Has the infinite power to take away gloom

Just like the moonlight soft and gay

And as the spring blossoms in may

Live life to the fullest on this day

For you shall forever

Come a year closer to cremation

This life is itself the sweetest

Just like the gentle summers tempest

And all that happiness you can get in this life here

Is just like no other brother

For in the company of your loved ones

You shall see the heaven’s

But alas!!

All that is good or bad

Shall have an end, and that is so very sad

But still the anguish of many

Is not felt by us sonny

But on a very special day every year

We complete a revolution around the sun

And that my son

Brings us a year closer to our cremation

YET TO GO

A dawn's early gaze

Over an ocean's lazy haze

Awakening an osprey in his nest

To another days bountiful fest

A nations flag on its pole shall rise

Serene in its cities’ skies

A placid morning is all we own

The seeds of a mighty plant just sown

Before we face life-looking like an old crone

and before being blown into a full blown cyclone

Back to its nest is the mother unruffles

Feeding its breath, keeping its sound muffled

The sun is out in his fiery force

Just as we begin life's main course

To find ourselves the best we can

In every endeavor of our life span

With the journey yet to be undertaken

I can only hope it is not all forsaken


A nations flag on its pole shall rise

Serene in its cities’ skies

A placid morning is all we own

The seeds of a mighty plant just sown

Before we face life-looking like an old crone

and before being blown into a full blown cyclone

Back to its nest is the mother unruffles

Feeding its breath, keeping its sound muffled

The sun is out in his fiery force

Just as we begin life's main course

To find ourselves the best we can

In every endeavor of our life span

With the journey yet to be undertaken

I can only hope it is not all forsaken

Fight or Flight??

To a visitors eye the vast expanse of my house looks charming, even beautiful under the circumstances, but what do they know of a the turmoil raging beneath? What will you do when your parents refuse your love? What would you choose between love and life? People often argue that there is little difference between the two but unless faced with the choice you never know, how deep the ravine is or how wide the canyon is. Would you leave the love of your life for your career ahead or  would you leave your life’s love for her? Such thoughts often hide behind the politest of smiles to any alien soul. Taking such decisions is always a cause of pain for someone or the other and not making a decision factually destroys me, so what do I choose?? There is evil in both options and choosing the lesser of the evils doesn’t make it a right thing to do so that decision was itself a nightmare to take.


                Do I forget those lovely sparkling eyes, that gentle laugh, those long black tresses, those pink flushed cheeks, the lovely blush, the tender caring heart, the witty voice, those taunting and yet loving retorts, that playful tone and all those loving times we shared so deeply so that I could stay away for a time and make a future, a rich, comfortable, bright, not-needing anything ever future for us. But to leave her even for a heart beat’s span is not something that heart agrees to. The question that both her and my hearts ask is for how long is that “time”. “How long so I have to keep my heart ripped off without yours to keep company?” she asks but alas I have no possible answer. I stand cursing myself for making her weep, watching the strings of pearls roll down her cheek I think ‘no boat can stay still in a rocking sea’. I wonder what I could do to solve the crisis. Long I ponder over my love’s fate and my lives’ own route. Only to realize I can take neither course of action without ripping my heart to pieces, and wondering which one of the evils to choose only to realize that I have run a full circle and back, right to the start of the turmoil raging in me, “To fight with my love or to take flight for her??”

TROUBLED

Only the deepest of love can bring about the deepest of hatred and only the heights of hope can land you in fathoms of despair.

"To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life". What would you do when the love of your lives begins to ignore you. When she tells you that she doesnt want to even look at you? all hope seems lost when this happens

                She was ignoring me, not even looking at me. She just walked past me as if I was nothing, a no one. I just couldn’t get my head around the fact that I had been dumped. I raised the bottle to my lips and took a swing, felling the warmth of the single malt spread through my limbs on this icy winter night. The night was as cold and cruel as her eyes were when she shouted at me “leave me alone. I hate you”. She hates me. All the diplomacy I tried through our mutual friends failed and faced with the hostility that a novice climber would have faced when asked to scale the K2 without any help, the hostility a traveler would face when asked to cross the Thar Desert with just a bottle of water. The chill I felt emanating from her when I asked her why, made me wish that the Russian’s would put me into one of their gulag’s in Siberia. The fury of her response made me wish for the hottest part of Sahara for that would be moderate when compared to what I was facing here. The extent of her emotions made me feel that heel would just be a walk in the park. And just like the calm after a storm she settled into indifference, she blew me off completely. We worked in the same team but she never even  as much as looked at me. It was as if I never even existed. The girl I love, was just becoming the girl who didn’t even care a damn, but I couldn’t even get her to look at me now. Her thoughts occupied my head all day long but it looked like she wasn’t even wasting a thought on me. Not even a thought of a thought of me was crossing her mind. I had to get her back and for that I had to do something before she totally erased me from her memory. I had to do something before I ceased to be even a memory of  a memory.

                The next day I showed up at the office after staying awake all night thinking of her. I hadn’t combed my hair, or shaven myself or even ironed my shirt. My friends and colleagues were surprised on seeing me that way. I was usually meticulous. To put what everyone said in a nutshell ‘I looked like hell’. The hangover was just passing over thanks to the two disprin I had taken in the morning. I passed her in this disheveled state thrice by lunch, but for all of my efforts, all of my modifications to look more miserable: loosening my tie, putting a dead beat look on my face, she neither acknowledged me nor even gestured that she might have given a dam about what happened to me.

                The next thing that I did as soon as I got to my apartment was getting drunk. Then I drove over to her apartment and started banging on her door. The pent-house apartment was isolated from the rest of the building and also had an expansive open area in front of it almost like a porch. The door was answered by her roommate. The roommate told me that she had left the apartment to stay with her aunt, whom i know she hated. She was choosing that evil aunt over me, I wondered what I did to have deserved that. Unable to do anything else, I borrowed another bottle from her and she very generously lent me a single barrel jack Daniel. I sat down or rather slumped down in the expansive courtyard right beside her door recollecting the beautiful conversations we had on this rooftop. Of the time when we watched the Leonid meteor shower, the consolation that I was able to provide to her when she cried her heart out when she learnt that her granny had expired. This was a private heaven for us located away fourteen floors above the ground. I toasted to the thought that now the same piece of real estate had become a personally tailored and customized piece of hell. As I emptied the  1700 rupees bottle of whisky in a toast I fade out and passed out cold right beside the door in that embracing chill.

                Damn it, I was cold, I was dripping wet. Someone with a very bad sense of humor had just splashed cold water on me. I looked up angry and asked “was it really necessary?”. All I got in reply was a goofy grin and a smart ass answer “Yes, for the state you were in, Yes. By the way how’s your head? On ice?”. The guy taunting me was her roommate’s fiance

and a close friend of mine. He carried me into the apartment and plonked in front of me breakfast for hangovers consisting of scrambled eggs and orange juice. He said “I’ve called your office and informed them that you won’t be coming in. Stay here. Use the day, use the bed, get some rest and clear your head bud. I’ll get going I’m already late. See ya.”

                Mid afternoon and I found myself looking at my phone, my head in a much better place after sleeping thorough most of the morning but my heal still in the same place as last night: In deep turmoil. I started reading through all the messages we had exchanged, her cute smileys, her challenging and yet taunting words, her playful replies and her voracious language. All of still stored deep in the memory of my phone, right from the time when she had lost her way reroute to that dingy restaurant where we were supposed to meet for our first date. It was when we were still in our final year of study and I ran out of the restaurant to collect her before she panicked. The date in itself was a very short dinner but the very long walk back to the restaurant from where she was when I picked her up was worth remembering. I cherished the moment when she replied to m question of another date through a text even though she was across the table from me all the while acting as if she was considering saying no. The smile on her face at that moment was what was wonderful and I was sincerely hoping to regain at least some of that.

                The call that night was purely out of instinct and need. She answered the call but before I could speak she started shouting “Its over, I told you to leave me alone. I don’t want to even talk to you” in a tone that was more heart wrenching than anything else. She disconnecting the line still ebbing that fury from her that I could feel it at the other end of the line. I didn’t even have a chance or the courage to answer her after that. I realized it was done.

                Fine, I decided, If my life had left me, I wouldn’t let life exist. I began planning. It was early next day when I started consuming every bottle of spirit I had stored in my apartment. I drove in that state to office wishing some policeman would pull me over and effective prevent me from doing what I was doing but it looked like I wasn’t that lucky. Every person in the office looked at me disbelievingly; a few brave gentlemen came over to try and stop me from creating a scene and tried to restrain me but instead they ended up being involved in a brawl with me and one of them suffered a broken nose. By the time security came over and dragged me into my boss’s office most of the damage I had intended was done. The words I was waiting to hear were spoken ten minutes later. I was fired and I was asked to clear my desk out. I went over to my desk cleared it and in the process of clearing my personal files from my office PC I loaded a ‘software’ onto the company’s system. Every person from my team was watching these proceedings from outside my office. I saw contempt in every one of their eyes and that was all the justification that I required.

                I was sitting on the railing outside her apartment, at the edge of what was our private heaven. I was watching my last sunset on this planet. I wasn’t gonna be alive to even see the planet complete one more rotation. The reason for my living was her. As an orphan I hadn’t loved anyone else, but her. She was my life but she had left me, my life had left e but physically I was still living, my heart was still beating, my lungs were still drawing air knowing that they shouldn’t.  I looked at my watch waiting for the ‘software’ to take  effect and destroy the company  that had turned all my sweetest of memories into the harshest of them ever possible. That revenge of using a virus was a sweet one. That company had affected my life and I was infecting them. That job was now done and I had no other qualms.

                So I slipped happily from the railing towards the waiting abyss below, the thoughts of her lips on mine, that feeling was all I was feeling  as I rushed towards the unforgiving stone below me. I had tailored my heaven and hell and I had tailored my life so far but the outcome wasn’t happy. I hadn’t felt in my heart  for al my life until she came along but  the first time I did it wasn’t worth it. I was the man who built my life only to have it collapse, I couldn’t start over so the only choice was to end it. The last thing I thought before I landed was the feeling of her soft hands lovingly caressing my cheeks while giving me a kiss suddenly somehow turning into the same hands that was trying to choke me to death. And in those last moments of my life i tell her through the world "Promise to give me a kiss on my brow when I am dead. --I shall feel it"

The Drama of Destiny

Over the mountains mighty hold,

Through the dungeons dark, deep and cold.
A traveler, on a crossroad stands,
In search of fairies land,
For a city built on ageless sand,
To the tunes of an eternal band.
But, is this a game being played by destiny’s hand?

Enticing to the thoughts sway,

Influencing the route of the man's way.
"To infinity and beyond" making him say,
To reach his destiny his hair turned grey,
Giving him solace was the love he found,
To which he was mortally bound,
Making him regret all the ones he lost.
feeling death's chill like a cold frost,
He remembers all the heavy cost,
Of a journey that left him a broken mast,
Only to be replace by new wood,
so over his journey he did brood.
Going through life's memories,  like a file after file,
Saying "Its  the journey that makes the destination worthwhile". 

ERGO

The grass is green
splashing across it is some spleen
To a ravens’ feast
Filling the hearts of mighty beasts

Two giant armies fighting in vain
Their  fires smoldering despite heavy rain

Bent on winning over the other
mighty falcons fighting to their last feather

Peace wasn’t an option visible
even though it was quite feasible

To use every sinew of their strength
On destruction they were hell bent.
To push each other, into a deep gorge
Instead of a lasting friendship they could forge
Now all this cause for battle
That they could easily settle
The reason for that amigo
Was something called an EGO

THE WISPERINGS OF A DAWN

The mornings first rays

lighting the old sparrows many ways

and just like an old master would say

never back down sonny because every fight has its sway

Before the weak rays of dawn

so says story teller fronn

the night is at its darkest and as terrifying as a beast at its best

but as every dawn arises to a masters worthy praises

as the cuckoo sings every spring to mark the end of the cold raging winds

like every calm before a storm

I am strong so dark informs 

but as certain as its return

its strength shall depend on 'the whisperings of a dawn'

Stronger for sure will be the dark upon resurrection

 so will light upon dark's dissipation

in this endless loop

i fell the need for some soup

for in this battle between good and bad

the mightier wins and is the merrier lad

and this full ring of fate is the

spawn of the whisperings of a dawn 

REGRET

Sitting on the ledge, looking out at the city spread out under my feet, like a sparkling carpet sandwiched between the starry land and sky, suspended in between the two landscapes of heaven and earth, was a great feeling for most. The smell of the dam earth, moist from the evening showers after being scorched thought the summer, waiting eagerly for the rains which followed. The heavenly smell of the flowers blossoming in the gardens beside the Chamundi temple helped me get a clearer head to contemplate my thoughts.
Sneaking out of my uncle’s sub-urban house, climbing down my cousins window using a rope fastened just a minute earlier, taking care not to make a sound was hard but it was worth the spectacular view lying in front of him. The city of Mysore, spell bounding in every aspect couldn’t help take my mind off the problem or rather my torment. The quote “the minds torment is the only one which can affect a man, not any other” came to my mind as I began placing my thoughts in order. It all started when he truly began understanding her for who she was and what she had faced. But trying to disassemble thought s from the middle is never productive, so I went back to the start of the thought.

                That morning was just normal. Walking around with all the people that were new, like him to this alien place where for four years we were gonna learn all the skills necessary to live the rest of our lives out. Making new friends, listening to boring speeches by old men, taking the grand tour, all of it routine and all of it unremarkable except for the one person that would cause me to stand here reciting this story. But she never entered my life for another two months, she was there in that room, I met her but she was just an acquaintance. The two months when everything went as planned, where everything just fell into place. The play changed it all. Asking her if she was interested was maybe the biggest folly and my biggest right choice all along. But it all happened due to that dammed play.

                The play was a chance for us to showcase out talent but as most play’s go this wasn’t a one man affair. There were quite a few of us involved and she was one of the people I had roped in. My only reason being that she was intelligent and that she spoke good English in a place where the dictionary was being laid to rest every single second. The play was where she put her talents out and that was where I began to take interest in her. The way she delivered her dialogues, the way she carried her character, her confidence in front of the audience was just mesmerizing. That left me to think that this girl isn’t perhaps what I had pegged her to be. The play went of well and by the end of it we went form being acquaintances to good friends.

                Secrets are dark, deep and ugly, that is the nature of secrets and that is the selfsame reason that they remain and should remain secrets. But when someone starts confiding in you, you become comfortable enough to confide in them. You confide in people you like, love and trust. One evening as we walked away from the campus, walking on the gravelly path lying in between the autumn trees, I learnt her secrets as she poured her heart out.  Understanding what she went through wasn’t hard as someone who had undergone equally grueling albeit different circumstances. Watching her walk down that path pouring her fears out in a flood made me realize that I was talking to a person who had been through hell. She was a piece of coal who had endured through the burning heat and enormous pressure only to come out as a diamond. Those pink cheeks flushed from the wind hollowed out in a sad sarcastic smile as she concluded her troubles and just balked beside me her head held high in spite of all she told me.

                Damaged as she was, there was sincerity in those bright brown eyes.  Eye’s which still haunt me as I stand beneath this starry sky. Her reaction as I told her I loved her was “not unexpected’ but like all humans I had hope. Hope, that eternal illusion that at least a few things might go our way, just as we wish they do. She ran away from me, the girl I gave my heart to ran away from me, the girl I gave my heart to her and she ran away from me, taking my heart with her leaving me a heartless wretch, dammed forever. I had no heart and no immediate purpose. The impending sense of doom that hovered around me in the air was visible only to the best of my people. A dear friend who cared told me “Take a holiday Bud, will help you heal your heart” Little did he know that I was missing my heart and that there was not a bit left to heal

                But this friend always had my best interest at hear and taking his advice, I had come over to this picturesque town. All of the town picturesque had no effect on the gaping hole left in place of my ripped heart. When she ran away with my heart I sincerely believed she erased me from her memory. I walked past her when we were there and there wasn’t a flicker of emotion in those chocolaty eyes. There was just the blankness of indifference, the absolute enemy of love. These thoughts were heavy on my mind. These were precisely what I had come here to help clear from my mind so that I could fill the hole of my heart and go back. The starry night of the chamundi hills helped reflect back the deep thoughts in my mind as I felt someone approached me.

Family are the first of the friends we have as we grow up and those bonds are the one’s which are usually the strongest. My cousin, whom I had tried very hard not to wake up during my descent from his room where we had been sleeping, had unceremoniously followed me here and had been sleeping had arrived. He had emerged now to help me as the turmoil had been  going on for quite some time. A couple of hours  more would bring the rosy red sun, the colour or her flushed cheeks and also my uncle and aunt. He sat beside me and said “ Man, if u can’t bury it then move on with it. Don’t let it occupy a majority of your brain. Remember her, but also remember you still have a lot to achieve, she is not the end of your road. You are in pain, I understand that but as one of your favorite quotes go “Pain is temporary, Pride is forever”. Overcome your pain man. There’s plenty of game out there and for guys like us it shouldn’t be a problem.

Don’t forget her or what you fell about her but always remember even she wouldn’t be proud if you threw away your future just because of her. She would in fact be ashamed of you, she would probably begin to despise you utterly if you throw your life. So let go home and get some sleep, so that I can stop worry about you running away”.

Laughing at his weak humor and thinking, well he does have a point. I will not give up just because of this, but it doesn’t mean that I will forget it. As we approach his house I engrave and sear into my memory everything I remember of her so that even if I want to she would  be something  I wouldn’t forget. She would remain in my memory as something sweet, sour, tangy, bland, hot and yet cold in my life.

As I watch the sum rising bathing me in the golden rays, I realize she is my regret and my release. She is a regret I shall draw my strength from. She is a regret I will have for now gained. She is a regret I shall strive to overcome and she is a regret I shall never forget.

A Journey’s Guide

As I walk down a lonely road,
Looking back on all my decisions I bode,
hesitating at, which of life’s bus to board,
worried about all the past one that I rode,
Bleeding from all the wounds inflicted by swords,
wandering about trying to decipher life’s code.

Taking the journey along its destined way,
The thorns pricking me, right under sun’s rays,
Languishing around in every pains sway.
From destiny , I will myself to run away,
So that, no longer can I myself betray,
That all through my life I was happy and gay.

So ran did I

Until I came under my master’s reach
All my fears he helped me clear,
Only so that his wisdom he could preach,
Guiding his pupils through channels far and near,
To help me live my life at  its best, did he teach,
only to let me go ,with I hope was a tear.

Wading through the difficult tasks,
I succeeded walking through hell with a smile
Wearing at different times, different masks,
So that I could walk horrendous mile after mile,
Only in glory to bask,
Hoping that I had been worth my masters while.

THE FORTY MILE RUN

A quiet peaceful spring evening, surviving in the wild was an easy task. The water flowing in the crystal clear stream was cold and refreshing. The air was crisp and fresh, devoid of all the pollutants present near a human civilization. The fruits they had collected that morning still tasted just as sweet and heavenly as they did when they were separated from their parent tree’s, sap still clinging to their stems. They were effectively in their own sphere of heaven on the planet, isolated and happy. As the sun silently slid down the western sky, bathing him in its golden rays. He turned his head in response to the rustle behind him, only to find himself wishing that time would freeze itself eternally in that instant. Watching her perfect profile thrown into sharp contrast in twilight's golden rays, he told himself he was the luckiest man alive. The smile dancing on his wife’s lips was both shy and yet inviting to him in an intimate way. The look in her eyes told him that all his love had indeed found its way to her heart and that she was equally besotted as he was by her again. He then started regretting the fight he had with her just before they got here. She complaining about his long absence for country and he trying his best to explain to her that it was only till his service to country ended.

Pushing out the unpleasant thoughts he held his hand out for her, like the gentleman he was and said “Good evening love. Can I get you anything?” In reply she took his hand, reeled into him and said “only yourself darling, Only yourself” and rewarded him with a kiss. Looking into each other’s kiss they re-discovered their love that they both had so generously cultivated since their first encounter, arguing against each other in their college debate. Reminiscing all that gave their love its old spark back and hand in hand, heart in sync with heart they walked slowly back to the encamped tent that was straining to contain their love. They spent the night re-discovering each other and enjoying each others company. They slept entwined even in their dreams for not even the realm of senseless sleep could separate them from each other. Both of them happy that they took the 40 mile hike to this scenic location to understand each other.

Their isolation rather cost them heavily. The rains that started lashing their camps wernt to stop . The clear stream they so dearly like turned brown with anger and flooded at once carrying them away in its fury, awakening them just as violently, wrenching them apart to his despair. Fighting was in his spirit, so he rebelled against nature herself to get closer to his second half. He kept a close eye on her , His fear : lest he lose sight of her. He applied every ounce of his formidable strength to get closer to her, but to him she seemed only to be drifting further away.

She saw him struggling against the ferocious stream to try and get to her and felt calm knowing that he was still there for her. Only when she couldn't see him after he went under did she start screaming wondering if anyone could hear her.

He had found a way to reach her  but only if he went under to the calmer parts of the stream from where he could swim faster. When he surfaced in between his blood ran cold, when he heard his love’s scream of sheer terror. Gritting himself he doubled his effort so that he could get to her before something happened for which he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

So terrified was she that she gave up hope and stopped looking for him, wondering what it was that was left for her to live when the one she loved the most was taken from her. She felt a sudden blinding blow to her head  and felt the darkness descend upon her.

He came up to find her close, only horrified to watch a branch sticking out strike the lovely head that was the source of all his happiness and entangle itself with her body. He swam faster across the devilish current thanking god that at least now he could reach her fast enough.

Reaching her he found her unconscious and in need of medical help. With nothing to do to help her he did the one thing he could do, lifted her onto his shoulder and began running down the wilderness that surrounded them to the closest possible help that he could find. The first few miles of running were fine but after sometime the shadow of pain started to appear. Her weight started becoming a heavier burden by the second, but no burden would be too great that he wouldn't carry it for her. His hamstrings began to burn, but he kept running because the pain now would be incomparable to the pain he would feel and would go through if he lost her. He ran through the pain reminding himself of all the happiness that he felt when she said “yes” to the little question that he has asked her after getting down on one knee. The support she gave him when he was injured from the bullets of his country’s enemies during his assault. The pillar of support that she was when she helped him recover and rejoin active duty. The way she looked at him when he did something for her. That tender smile that lit his world up every time that curve appeared on her face setting everything in his world straight. He knew that he would never forgive himself if he gave up on her

He had promised to keep her safe and sound, to protect her from everything. He had failed in that but he wasn’t about to make a second mistake which could cost him his wife. He kept going on giving himself every other reason he could think of, the way she crinkled her eyes at him when he cursed, the music she like and even their favorite dishes kept him going through all that pain and beyond. He didn't stop even when his legs began to burn beyond a point of human endurance, his energy began to wean but nothing , not a force in this world could stop him in his forty mile run to save his love’s life.  He thought of the look on her face, the calm relaxed happy face that she had when she slept. The way her hair spread himself across and the way she ordered him to brush it off her face. The long hours that he spent watching her sleep so that he could be rewarded by that dazzling smile when he awoke and saw him. For that he said A man would run through hell and that was what he said he was fighting to keep. That was the cost if he failed in his forty mile run.

The run ended just as noon approached. The time he ran were all his effort. He was exhausted and yet he found the strength from love to get her to a doctor’s hand. His faith notwithstanding, he prayed to all the gods known and unknown to spare the life on his loved one.

He waited for her to open her eyes when they brought her into a whitewashed room. Seeing her awake and safe gave him a happiness that he couldn't describe. He knew that the run was worth the smile he loved and the one she gave him as she was wheeled in and asked him “good evening love. Can I get you anything?” Smiling to that he replied “Only yourself darling, Only yourself”. Entangled in their embrace he thought of nothing but her sweet smell, the smooth satin like skin as he held what was most dear to him, what he had almost lost but also of all the love yet to be among them as he murmured to her “only yourself darling”

To Fly High

Flying in the high wind
Rising on a thermal he grinned
seeing the world spread out beneath him
Swooping down just on a whim
To rise again on the strength of his wings,
Flying through all the loops and the rings

In clear blue heights he flies
Dodging the clouds dotting the skies
Gliding to a destination so far to reach,
With a will even a diamond couldn't breach
On and on through turbulent weather,
He flies on without a shiver in a feather.

His destination guides him forward
On his journey home , northward
To a place of cherishing hope
Where opportunities are in abundant scope,
But, In his mind lies a lingering question,
The answer, probably out of his comprehension,
But as they say ‘To be wise old man,
You must first be angry and young, but always with a plan.