Saturday, 23 November 2013

The Question's qestions



There is a question asked about a lot. What would you do with your time? I would answer it differently
at different times because only time lends a perspective on what to do with time. At certain situation I
would prefer to sing or to run or to even punch a wall or write or just sin in a dark or secluded place. But
what I doo at that particular instant depends purely on the current situation.
Time it is said is fast flowing river. No one man has been able to even resist its flows leave out anything else. It affects us in every way, wearing us out, battering us down until we become fine sand on its banks. After all even a mighty rock cannot remain mighty before a rivers fast flow for long. There are
however smooth passages for some of us and rather turbulent ones for some others. And if people
criticize u for living your life a certain way u cant help them or yourself. The tools of trade given to each
person are different, everyone is equipped to go through life differently. If you give a soldier a route to
pass through hell look at all the security risks in it or the threats in it. The same route with a
photographer would get him looking for breathtaking pictures to snap, to a traveler it would mean different cultures and to a cook would mean new stuff to learn. However to a scholar they would mean all of those, but the problem with us is that we are all scholars, we are knowledgeable about everything,
especially our generation. We learn a lot, we learn one subject extensively, for engineers their stream for doctors their specialization, for a narcolepsic his sleep, but in other matters we retain minimal knowledge. Just because I know something well I cant endeavour to teach a fellow traveler my set of
beliefs, it would lead to chaos in his life. All I can do is only advise him and trust him to use my advice if
his situation suits him. However if everyone followed a given set of reactios to every situation we wouldn’t be humans all we would be is a pack animals who follow the leader even if he is as blind as a
bat as deaf as a white cat with blue eyes.
Next I get asked what would be a situation that would force someone to do all the things uve mentioned
above?
I will not be assumatory to answer for all the people who do that for hten I will be very wrong in
everything I say but I can tell you about y I think they might do that based on why I would be doing that.
Running or any physical activity so to speak is one way people generally clear their heads. When u are
engaged in any physical activity your brain rather empties out or only one thing occupies your brain. The
physical activity itself takes up a lot of ur brains space and energy, since even biologically not much blood reaches the brain u stop thinking too much that u can normally do otherwise. The activity
depends on a person of choice. I like running so I run. The reason people run is because you either need to clear your head or you need to focus your head onto something. It also has a few other advantages, if
u keep running for long you’ll notice that you stop thinking about everything else exept the fact that ur
running, the burn of your lungs as they draw air, the clenching and loosening of the muscles in your legs
over time and the general sense of declining energy that u feel with each passing minute. All those
combines clear your head as your mind starts to switch back to its most oldest and trusted instinct,
survive, it’ll want u to survive by stop running, it’ll tell your brain that it cant take the abuse anymore
and finally all your brain is filled with is the sting of your muscles and the sound of your breath. Later
after u stop running when all the blood starts flowing to ur brain again u can relax and enjoy that moment of extreme mental clarity.
Punching a wall is out of frustration, its usually something I do when you cant do anything else. When I was younger u never are able to hold your own, your considered a kid. Hell im still considered a kid. The punching of a wall if ever you see someone doing that, then they are very angry to cause physical harm to themselves, and that they have no outlet for that anger, they can’t divert it onto anything else so they turn it onto themselves. I would say always be aware of such people for someone who can harm themselves would definitely not hesitate to harm you. However if someone they like is on the line there are the very same people who would not care for themselves but would rather care about their emotions their care and walk through hell if they have to for you. They obviously don’t care or think highly of themselves but the people they love are just the opposite to them, they value them with their lives and since they believe they aren’t much, they even put their lives on the line for their people. The second situation when someone would punch a wall is when he’s bored, he has nothing to do at all, he has seen movies and would rather spend his time trying to see if it was real and to see if he’s strong. I know it sounds crazy but the most insane of us are sometimes probably the sanest too.
The gift of language is one of the most tremendous achievement in human life. The tragedy of it however is the fact that not many people care to use it effectively or know how to use it effectively to communicate to more than a closed group of select few. That language is the only reason we unlike animals are able to progress forward. We record all our knowledge in some language or the other. You cannot pass on how to construct a proton accelerator through drawing simply now can u? We neither have enough colours to represent the elements to be used neither do we have enough place to pictorially represent ever thing in acute detail. The only reason we can pass on our knowledge from one generation to the next is because of language. Unlike animals who inherit instinct and spend a major portion of their lives only to relearn what knowledge their ancestors since ages past had possessed. The reason we write is because words are never overrated. People are shy to talk always, u can never tell all your secrets to a person and still expect to be comfortable with them. There are always a few last secrets to be held unto yourself. However when you have a companion you know wont talk to anyone else when u have an outlet where u can disguise, mask or even twist your words into a format which you are happy with you always do that. Writing is one relief, you seek to do through your characters all that you couldn’t do in your real life so far, or you bemoan the tings past that you wish would’ve gone better. Sometimes we even write down all the past try to analyze it get past it and maybe understand it. If not we hope that now that’s it written down in a format where u can recall it if necessary you hope you can erase those memories from your skull. The skill of writing is a rae one available only to a gifted few and one secret we always keep are what we write. We write a thousand words and the world sees only a few hundred it is only the people we actually trust and like that ever see the full extent of an authors writings. And we often search for either release or a sense of longing or some understanding when we
write. We only write what we want in life or what we don’t have in life. No writer writes a true account of what currently is unless they’re writing an autobiography.
As for listening to music or singing. They achieve one purpose, to block all thought. A persons mind is his worst prison. Imprison a person in his own mind its more effective then the tallest wall or tower you can build surrounded by the deepest moat you can dig. The mind is a complex thing, its workings are very complicated to say the least. It keeps functioning continuously, even if we want it to or not. The thoughts of a person can sometimes become the very shackles he wants to avoid, that’s where music is the most helpful. To explain better, you have lost family or friends, you are sad but u want to get rid of that shadow and work forward however u neither have the time to indulge in heavy activity nor do u have the place. All you can do is to sit while you travel and listen to whatever songs you want at the highest volume possible. That in itself is very brain blocking. U cant think with that level of music, the music encompasses your mind and you sing, with the song you sometimes feel relieved especially if a song with a situational link comes up. That is way of relief. Another use of music is that if you find something distasteful in your surroundings then all you need to do is listen to music and ignore your surroundings.
And lastly why the dark or seclusion. You know two of humanity greatest fears? Darkness and Solitude. There are a lot of people who scoff at this but think back many people look twice before going into the dark because the dark is nothing to us and nothingness always held untold terrors for us. You are afraid that nothingness might contain something your afraid of. Solitude, well we humans are what we call social animals, no human with the agreed limits of sanity can stay secluded from society at large for extended periods of time without going mad himself and trust me no one wants to go mad. When you are in the dark you will face your fear and only someone capable of facing his fears can live properly for if you are afraid of something you will live in eternal fear of it, searching for it in everything you see smell or taste. The darkness along with solitude has one more unique ability it takes away ur most used sense, your eyes. Once its gone your perspective changes, you consider different things differently and hence you can think differently. That ability to think differently is what gives some people that edge, if not for it what would we be if not walking talking puppets. Life may bring many more challenges but knowing when to fight and when to lie down and wait for a storm to pass over is important. You cannot walk through a sandstorm without getting buried now should we ignore a calm flat pool of water to swim across. However we should keep in mind that even the storm can pass given time and even the calmest of pool may be hiding the deepest of terrors in their depts. Some of us prefer to ride the storms out or some of us prefer to swim across the deep pools. Whatever we do, I would always want to trust my heart when in doubt cause instinct is what got us living for a billion years, more than logic has. So when in doubt between your heart and mind always follow your heart and respect others opinions and take their advice but whatever you do never leave your heart. If something feels wrong from the bottom of your heart, then it is wrong.

Monday, 14 October 2013

FROM THE TAIL OF THE INDIAN PHEONIX……..TO THE SANDS OF RAMESHWARAM




From the tail of the phoenix arises
Arises what is known in India as Agni
For it is the fire
That always lights the pyre
Constrains all the unfathomable power
Which rushes out like a light shower
So a person who was born
In a small island, blew the horn
To create India’s first indigenous missile
So that we may no longer be fragile
Chose to name the arrow Agni
For he was a man so bright
In every darkness he saw light
And lifted India so high
To a position no money could buy
To praise him there are no words
Because they are more precious than swords
All I quote are his words
And they are more important than his swords
And to this man born
Where Indians three high seas meet

I pay my regards  and tribute

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Odyssey


One fine spring morning,

Cried a lady to a midwife's crooning,

To give birth to her loved son

Whose eyes shone like the sun



He grew to be tall and strong

Along the shore's rocky crown

Breathing in th ocean's salty breeze

Aching to concquer her turbulent seas


The boy slowly turned to a man

Took oer his lady along with his clan

To hoist her colours true and strong

And to sail the high seas singing her merry song


"All is well and our course is set

The wind is true and i shall not fret "

Captain, said one of his clanlet

"Hence i shall go and sleep under my blanket"


His lady ran straight and true

Into a storm's hands so brute

He tossed his lady down every way

Playing with her using the oceans sway


The captain headed into the storm's eye

And asked god "why the rye?"

But all his efforts ere in vain

And sink did his lady gifting him pain


Every effort to save her though

Was in vain as the brute punched through

He and his clanlets had to turn their backs

Upon their lady in blue and cut themselves slack


Devastated was the captain for is loss

He did start smoking every grass

Every spirit did he drink

To try like his ship, for himself to sink


The will to fight had alll been lost

An empty shell was all left of the host

Untill, a new dream was sighted upon

And chase was ordered without a frown


The captain forgot that the lady was probably someone else's

And in love he chased down a useless scone

To only find himself further broken

In a false hope of some grand token


He only found his dream sailing away

To another man, unworthy in every way.

The captain remains at a loss

For now double was his loss


Now he sits and waits in an abyss

For his rescuer, like an oasis

in a desert full of mirages

so that there can be some peace in his garages


Till that time

He shall lie in the sine

Else he shall wait for his chime

Leaving his footprints in the sands of time.

Saturday, 21 September 2013

BEGINNINGS OF A HORIZON




So far men have travelled
Yet so much left to unravel
But, today is a day of celebration
Because you have come a year closer to cremation
Through each summer, rainy, winter and spring we pass
To learn throught life’s class
That the spring of our youth shall never last
One day will come when we will be past
This day of celebration
For we shall realise
Will bring us very close to cremation


Fear not Oh! Little rose
For you shall not be flooded away by the hose
That waters you
Because in every spring at its bloom
Has the infinite power to take away gloom
Just like the moonlight soft and gay
And as the spring blossoms in may
Live life to the fullest on this day
For you shall forever


Come a year closer to cremation

This life is itself the sweetest
Just like the gentle summers tempest
And all that happiness you can get in this life here
Is just like no other brother
For in the company of your loved ones
You shall see the heaven’s
But alas!!
All that is good or bad
Shall have an end, and that is so very sad
But still the anguish of many
Is not felt by us sonny
But on a very special day every year
We complete a revolution around the sun
And that my son
Brings us a year closer to our cremation

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

YET TO GO


A dawn's early gaze
Over an ocean's lazy haze
Awakening an osprey in his nest

To another days bountiful fest
A nations flag on its pole shall rise

Serene in its cities’ skies
A placid morning is all we own
The seeds of a mighty plant just sown
Before we face life-looking like an old crone
and before being blown into a full blown cyclone
Back to its nest is the mother unruffles
Feeding its breath, keeping its sound muffled


The sun is out in his fiery force
Just as we begin life's main course

To find ourselves the best we can

In every endeavor of our life span
With the journey yet to be undertaken

I can only hope it is not all forsaken


A nations flag on its pole shall rise

Serene in its cities’ skies
A placid morning is all we own
The seeds of a mighty plant just sown
Before we face life-looking like an old crone
and before being blown into a full blown cyclone
Back to its nest is the mother unruffles
Feeding its breath, keeping its sound muffled


The sun is out in his fiery force
Just as we begin life's main course

To find ourselves the best we can
In every endeavor of our life span
With the journey yet to be undertaken
I can only hope it is not all forsaken

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Fight or Flight??

To a visitors eye the vast expanse of my house looks charming, even beautiful under the circumstances, but what do they know of a the turmoil raging beneath? What will you do when your parents refuse your love? What would you choose between love and life? People often argue that there is little difference between the two but unless faced with the choice you never know, how deep the ravine is or how wide the canyon is. Would you leave the love of your life for your career ahead or  would you leave your life’s love for her? Such thoughts often hide behind the politest of smiles to any alien soul. Taking such decisions is always a cause of pain for someone or the other and not making a decision factually destroys me, so what do I choose?? There is evil in both options and choosing the lesser of the evils doesn’t make it a right thing to do so that decision was itself a nightmare to take.


                Do I forget those lovely sparkling eyes, that gentle laugh, those long black tresses, those pink flushed cheeks, the lovely blush, the tender caring heart, the witty voice, those taunting and yet loving retorts, that playful tone and all those loving times we shared so deeply so that I could stay away for a time and make a future, a rich, comfortable, bright, not-needing anything ever future for us. But to leave her even for a heart beat’s span is not something that heart agrees to. The question that both her and my hearts ask is for how long is that “time”. “How long so I have to keep my heart ripped off without yours to keep company?” she asks but alas I have no possible answer. I stand cursing myself for making her weep, watching the strings of pearls roll down her cheek I think ‘no boat can stay still in a rocking sea’. I wonder what I could do to solve the crisis. Long I ponder over my love’s fate and my lives’ own route. Only to realize I can take neither course of action without ripping my heart to pieces, and wondering which one of the evils to choose only to realize that I have run a full circle and back, right to the start of the turmoil raging in me, “To fight with my love or to take flight for her??”

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

TROUBLED

Only the deepest of love can bring about the deepest of hatred and only the heights of hope can land you in fathoms of despair.
"To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life". What would you do when the love of your lives begins to ignore you. When she tells you that she doesnt want to even look at you? all hope seems lost when this happens

                She was ignoring me, not even looking at me. She just walked past me as if I was nothing, a no one. I just couldn’t get my head around the fact that I had been dumped. I raised the bottle to my lips and took a swing, felling the warmth of the single malt spread through my limbs on this icy winter night. The night was as cold and cruel as her eyes were when she shouted at me “leave me alone. I hate you”. She hates me. All the diplomacy I tried through our mutual friends failed and faced with the hostility that a novice climber would have faced when asked to scale the K2 without any help, the hostility a traveler would face when asked to cross the Thar Desert with just a bottle of water. The chill I felt emanating from her when I asked her why, made me wish that the Russian’s would put me into one of their gulag’s in Siberia. The fury of her response made me wish for the hottest part of Sahara for that would be moderate when compared to what I was facing here. The extent of her emotions made me feel that heel would just be a walk in the park. And just like the calm after a storm she settled into indifference, she blew me off completely. We worked in the same team but she never even  as much as looked at me. It was as if I never even existed. The girl I love, was just becoming the girl who didn’t even care a damn, but I couldn’t even get her to look at me now. Her thoughts occupied my head all day long but it looked like she wasn’t even wasting a thought on me. Not even a thought of a thought of me was crossing her mind. I had to get her back and for that I had to do something before she totally erased me from her memory. I had to do something before I ceased to be even a memory of  a memory.

                The next day I showed up at the office after staying awake all night thinking of her. I hadn’t combed my hair, or shaven myself or even ironed my shirt. My friends and colleagues were surprised on seeing me that way. I was usually meticulous. To put what everyone said in a nutshell ‘I looked like hell’. The hangover was just passing over thanks to the two disprin I had taken in the morning. I passed her in this disheveled state thrice by lunch, but for all of my efforts, all of my modifications to look more miserable: loosening my tie, putting a dead beat look on my face, she neither acknowledged me nor even gestured that she might have given a dam about what happened to me.
                The next thing that I did as soon as I got to my apartment was getting drunk. Then I drove over to her apartment and started banging on her door. The pent-house apartment was isolated from the rest of the building and also had an expansive open area in front of it almost like a porch. The door was answered by her roommate. The roommate told me that she had left the apartment to stay with her aunt, whom i know she hated. She was choosing that evil aunt over me, I wondered what I did to have deserved that. Unable to do anything else, I borrowed another bottle from her and she very generously lent me a single barrel jack Daniel. I sat down or rather slumped down in the expansive courtyard right beside her door recollecting the beautiful conversations we had on this rooftop. Of the time when we watched the Leonid meteor shower, the consolation that I was able to provide to her when she cried her heart out when she learnt that her granny had expired. This was a private heaven for us located away fourteen floors above the ground. I toasted to the thought that now the same piece of real estate had become a personally tailored and customized piece of hell. As I emptied the  1700 rupees bottle of whisky in a toast I fade out and passed out cold right beside the door in that embracing chill.

                Damn it, I was cold, I was dripping wet. Someone with a very bad sense of humor had just splashed cold water on me. I looked up angry and asked “was it really necessary?”. All I got in reply was a goofy grin and a smart ass answer “Yes, for the state you were in, Yes. By the way how’s your head? On ice?”. The guy taunting me was her roommate’s fiance
and a close friend of mine. He carried me into the apartment and plonked in front of me breakfast for hangovers consisting of scrambled eggs and orange juice. He said “I’ve called your office and informed them that you won’t be coming in. Stay here. Use the day, use the bed, get some rest and clear your head bud. I’ll get going I’m already late. See ya.”

                Mid afternoon and I found myself looking at my phone, my head in a much better place after sleeping thorough most of the morning but my heal still in the same place as last night: In deep turmoil. I started reading through all the messages we had exchanged, her cute smileys, her challenging and yet taunting words, her playful replies and her voracious language. All of still stored deep in the memory of my phone, right from the time when she had lost her way reroute to that dingy restaurant where we were supposed to meet for our first date. It was when we were still in our final year of study and I ran out of the restaurant to collect her before she panicked. The date in itself was a very short dinner but the very long walk back to the restaurant from where she was when I picked her up was worth remembering. I cherished the moment when she replied to m question of another date through a text even though she was across the table from me all the while acting as if she was considering saying no. The smile on her face at that moment was what was wonderful and I was sincerely hoping to regain at least some of that.
                The call that night was purely out of instinct and need. She answered the call but before I could speak she started shouting “Its over, I told you to leave me alone. I don’t want to even talk to you” in a tone that was more heart wrenching than anything else. She disconnecting the line still ebbing that fury from her that I could feel it at the other end of the line. I didn’t even have a chance or the courage to answer her after that. I realized it was done.

                Fine, I decided, If my life had left me, I wouldn’t let life exist. I began planning. It was early next day when I started consuming every bottle of spirit I had stored in my apartment. I drove in that state to office wishing some policeman would pull me over and effective prevent me from doing what I was doing but it looked like I wasn’t that lucky. Every person in the office looked at me disbelievingly; a few brave gentlemen came over to try and stop me from creating a scene and tried to restrain me but instead they ended up being involved in a brawl with me and one of them suffered a broken nose. By the time security came over and dragged me into my boss’s office most of the damage I had intended was done. The words I was waiting to hear were spoken ten minutes later. I was fired and I was asked to clear my desk out. I went over to my desk cleared it and in the process of clearing my personal files from my office PC I loaded a ‘software’ onto the company’s system. Every person from my team was watching these proceedings from outside my office. I saw contempt in every one of their eyes and that was all the justification that I required.
                I was sitting on the railing outside her apartment, at the edge of what was our private heaven. I was watching my last sunset on this planet. I wasn’t gonna be alive to even see the planet complete one more rotation. The reason for my living was her. As an orphan I hadn’t loved anyone else, but her. She was my life but she had left me, my life had left e but physically I was still living, my heart was still beating, my lungs were still drawing air knowing that they shouldn’t.  I looked at my watch waiting for the ‘software’ to take  effect and destroy the company  that had turned all my sweetest of memories into the harshest of them ever possible. That revenge of using a virus was a sweet one. That company had affected my life and I was infecting them. That job was now done and I had no other qualms.
                So I slipped happily from the railing towards the waiting abyss below, the thoughts of her lips on mine, that feeling was all I was feeling  as I rushed towards the unforgiving stone below me. I had tailored my heaven and hell and I had tailored my life so far but the outcome wasn’t happy. I hadn’t felt in my heart  for al my life until she came along but  the first time I did it wasn’t worth it. I was the man who built my life only to have it collapse, I couldn’t start over so the only choice was to end it. The last thing I thought before I landed was the feeling of her soft hands lovingly caressing my cheeks while giving me a kiss suddenly somehow turning into the same hands that was trying to choke me to death. And in those last moments of my life i tell her through the world "Promise to give me a kiss on my brow when I am dead. --I shall feel it"